smartygirl (smartygirl) wrote,

Things Better Left Unsaid

I will not get my American Idol fix tonight because of the President's speech. I would rather hear the Red Head wobble his way through a Nine Inch Nails cover.

In order to fill the gapping hole that is the absence of AI, I went to the website. Sadly, it didn't do the trick. I ended up at the Season Two site, looking at old pictures of Clay Aiken. I like the picture on the "Contestants" page because it's from his early days on the show, when he still had died black hair and glasses. Not that this is a particularly good look for him, but it reminds me that if they start making Clay Aiken dolls they'll have to make that look "Nerd Clay," and his current look "Pop Star Clay." For fun they could also make "Beach Bum Clay" - which would come with SPF 50 sunblock and a set of water wings or "Jungle Safari Clay" - which would come with a hypodermic needle pre-loaded with the adrenaline for his allergic reactions to jungle creatures. All Clay dolls would have to come with a plastic microphone and a flat iron. Also, his little plastic heart would have to come in a latched compartment in his chest so Barbie has it in easy reach when she wants stomped on it.

I watched part of the "It's Good to Be Mary-Kate and Ashley" special on E! the other night. My God, what were my parents thinking letting me have a relatively normal childhood! They could have put me to work making direct to video movies and licensing my name to Wal-Mart for a clothing line! I could be a billionaire by now. I had to turn the special off because, 1. I realized that after about two minutes I cared way too much about Mary-Kate and Ashley, and 2. Thinking about having billions of dollars reminds me I have about 50 bucks in the bank at present, which is sad.

I've been thinking about taking a class at the Boston Center for Adult Ed. I want to take the one night course on "How to Find a Literary Agent" - not because I think I'll learn any great secrets - but because I need to do something pro-active about my writing. I took a look at some of the other classes they offer - and I have to say I was completely tempted by the class entitled "How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You." The course description actually listed the techniques I could "Discover:
*What "love at first sight" is
*When, how (and who!) should make the move for the first date ... and the first kiss!
*What "chemistry" is and tricks you can use to ignite it
*Three eye-contact tricks to bewitch him or her
*The best place to go on a first date
*Why women find the "bad boys" attractive, and why nice guys should be just "a little bad"
*How much money, good looks, and all those other "crass" things really count."
(Taken directly from the BCAE site)

How could I not want to take this class? Thousands of years of human history - the entire spectrum of the laws of attraction - condensed into one Saturday class. Good Lord, can any single woman afford not to take this class? I just don't know. As I am planning on being a mean old lady with a pack of feral terriers and a husband thirty years younger and after me for my money, I don't know that I have to worry about taking this class right away, but, boy am I glad it is out there. I wonder if they have class time set aside for cradle robbing and marrying for money?

When the BCAE starts offering a class on how to get pop stars to worship you, I'll be the first to sign up.
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