smartygirl (smartygirl) wrote,
smartygirl
smartygirl

Thirsty

I've got some big changes coming up, but strangely, I'm sort of numb about the whole deal.


For example, in seven weeks, I'm finally getting my own place. No roommates. Yes, I have to move to the suburbs, but it'll be my space, where I am soley responsible for buying the dishsoap and toilet paper, and no one else's nicknacks are sitting there undusted. I've wanted this move forever. Knowing it is actually happening, I should be excessively excited. Instead I'm kinda, "Meh." 


Friends and family are congratulating me, but all I did was sign some paperwork and hand over a check. You know, like a grown-up.


And then there's this other thing: I'm dating. Like, not really someone specific, as yet, but I had a date and now I have another one coming up and it's all so normal and not earth shattering. I would really have thought the earth would tilt on its axis a bit, you know, since I've been avoiding putting myself out there for so long. Except, as nice as it is, it's nothing to swoon over yet. Although I at least held out some hope that at some point in the future I might swoon.


So that's not as exciting as I thought it should be.


I'm wondering if this feeling of numbness is residual from recieving the independent edit of Smashing that I requested. It finally reached me on Sunday, and I've been trying to figure out how to process it ever since. I feel like I should be all prickly and sensitive about what came back - a very comprehensive assessment of what's happening and NOT happening in the novel I've worked on for years, but I'm not.


Actually, all I can think is that, I think the editor is right. My heroine doesn't do her job - she isn't a heroine, per say, and I've got some work to do to push her there. At times my focus isn't genuine. It's spot-on advice that's only going to make the manuscript better.


And yet, I'm really like, "Yup, okay, so now....now what do I do?" Even though, and this probably makes no sense, I know what to do. She told me. It's something I've needed for a long time, but I'm not doing anything about it yet.


So, to sum up, I'm on the brink of getting what I want: my own apartment, potential to find the love of my life, and a way forward with my book. The Universe is giving me what I want. And instead of being really happy about these things, I find it inheriently more interesting today to dwell on how thirsty I am. Honest. My brain as decided that my water consumption is way fascinating.

Go figure.
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