For example, in seven weeks, I'm finally getting my own place. No roommates. Yes, I have to move to the suburbs, but it'll be my space, where I am soley responsible for buying the dishsoap and toilet paper, and no one else's nicknacks are sitting there undusted. I've wanted this move forever. Knowing it is actually happening, I should be excessively excited. Instead I'm kinda, "Meh."
Friends and family are congratulating me, but all I did was sign some paperwork and hand over a check. You know, like a grown-up.
And then there's this other thing: I'm dating. Like, not really someone specific, as yet, but I had a date and now I have another one coming up and it's all so normal and not earth shattering. I would really have thought the earth would tilt on its axis a bit, you know, since I've been avoiding putting myself out there for so long. Except, as nice as it is, it's nothing to swoon over yet. Although I at least held out some hope that at some point in the future I might swoon.
So that's not as exciting as I thought it should be.
I'm wondering if this feeling of numbness is residual from recieving the independent edit of Smashing that I requested. It finally reached me on Sunday, and I've been trying to figure out how to process it ever since. I feel like I should be all prickly and sensitive about what came back - a very comprehensive assessment of what's happening and NOT happening in the novel I've worked on for years, but I'm not.
Actually, all I can think is that, I think the editor is right. My heroine doesn't do her job - she isn't a heroine, per say, and I've got some work to do to push her there. At times my focus isn't genuine. It's spot-on advice that's only going to make the manuscript better.
And yet, I'm really like, "Yup, okay, so now....now what do I do?" Even though, and this probably makes no sense, I know what to do. She told me. It's something I've needed for a long time, but I'm not doing anything about it yet.
So, to sum up, I'm on the brink of getting what I want: my own apartment, potential to find the love of my life, and a way forward with my book. The Universe is giving me what I want. And instead of being really happy about these things, I find it inheriently more interesting today to dwell on how thirsty I am. Honest. My brain as decided that my water consumption is way fascinating.