January 11th, 2010

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Things You Apprently Can Not Do

1.Re-use an already recycled paper cup.
We have an orientation at the University today, which for me means not much more than free coffee. I refilled my cup, and, now it is leaking out the bottom. So much for trying to be earth conscious.

2. Make 3 sets of plans on a Sunday.
Trying to do too much meant I ran out of time to go visit my dad. Still, it was a nice Sunday. Any day that begins with brunch can't be bad.

3. Be Your Own #1 Fan.
How much can I talk up how good I think my book is, without sounding like an ass? Because, I gotta tell you, I really love Smashing. Yeah, I went back once again and tried to add more to the first three chapters (mostly just the first), but I was reading it and it just sucked me in. And I wrote it! I know what happens. For all the frustrations of trying to get published - the waiting and eventual rejection - I know this book is something, so it's going to be worth it.

I may be too in love with it. But, you know, I can't think that's a bad thing. Usually with my writing, I'm up and down like a yo-yo on how good I think something is - but this project I am almost always on the up.

Rejections might throw me off for a day or two, but really, I believe in what I've done - that's it's compelling and interesting and everything a good book should be. I just need to find an agent and an editor that agree with me.

I wish I could make the process go faster. I wish the agent that has the full manuscript had taken 4 weeks instead of (what now appears to be) the full eight she promised. I hope against hope she sees what I see - that there's something exciting in those pages. But if she doesn't, well, I'll find someone else who does. I have too much determination and too much a belief in this project to let it go.

I have worked so hard. And I'm sure I will do more to get it published. I'm willing to do more. I want to do more if it means I get to share it with the world. Because I can't imagine I would feel this way for no reason.